Oh Christmas!

Christmas Tree at the Emirates Palace

This is not the Christmas of my dreams,

but if I don't try to make it that,
I have so much to be grateful for...
my friends in Abu Dhabi who are present...
my faithful and funny dog,
Rose's homemade pumpkin pie today
and Karen's hospitality...
moving in with Liz tomorrow, for a little while.

Yet, leaving my apartment makes me
tired as hell and
not being settled gets me down.
Can't decide if this timing is a classic case of self-sabotage
or "life on life's terms."
Not a good time to try to figure it out.

Taking Anne Lamott's sage advice this year!
Not making any major decisions until Christmas
is over...
and I am going to drag it out as long as I can!

Since I worked today
it didn't feel much like Christmas,
although people here are kind and
make a point of acknowledging the day
even if they don't celebrate themselves.

I love Christmas
but I never seem to handle it very well.

Not wanting material things
but can't seem to let go of what I have
very easily.
Clinging causes suffering, I know.
Gave a few things away to my neighbors tonight
and hopefully will give away some more...

forgiving myself for my tight grip
and sending out as much love as I can.

Merry Christmas!

 



A Rumi Poem

 

It’s rigged — everything, in your favor.
So there is nothing to worry about.

Is there some position you want,
some office, some acclaim, some award, some con, some lover,
maybe two, maybe three, maybe four — all at once,

maybe a relationship
with
God?

I know there is a gold mine in you, when you find it
the wonderment of the earth’s gifts
you will lay aside
as naturally as does
a child a
doll.

But, dear, how sweet you look to me kissing the unreal:
comfort, fulfill yourself,
in any way possible — do that until
you ache, until you ache,

then come to me
again.

Dancing in Dubai

Gabrielle Roth

 

 

Flowing, staccato, chaos, lyrical, stillness.  These are the 5rhythms of life according to the movement meditation developed by Gabrielle Roth.  She died two years ago today, just a few days before my father died. 

 

One of the best things that has happened to me since moving to the Middle East has been being reintroduced to this dance practice, which I totally took for granted when I was living in the U.S.A. (as I took so many things for granted!)  I feel a deep sense of regret that I never danced with Gabrielle in person, although it would not have been that difficult for me to do if I had realized the preciousness.  I used to drive up to Bethesda on Friday nights to dance with the tribe there, when I wasn't too tired from being with elementary students all week.  I wasn't that committed to it, although I loved it when I went. It was just one of the many things that I did. But once I moved to Abu Dhabi, I felt the urgency of finding a way to connect with people who had an instinct and interest for exploring their "inner landscape." Hence, it was quite a revelation to me when I found out they were dancing 5rhythms in Dubai.  Going there to dance with and get to know a group of dancers from far and wide has been a great healing balm for my tendency to live in my head over here and not move my body enough.  It has helped me process so many conflicting feelings that get stuck and don't want to move.  In some ways, I would say it has literally saved my life!

 

The rhythm is gonna get you!

 

So, not only did Gabrielle develop this amazing, life giving practice, she was an amazing writer too.  The quote that keeps sticking in my brain right now is a question she asked,  "Do you have the discipline to be a free spirit?" 

 

Confronted by my own lethargy and apparent lack of self-discipline lately, I am trying to remember the sense of freedom and possibility that accompanied my initial decision to move to Abu Dhabi and take a teaching position here.  In my own defense, I have had strange physical ailments that prevent me from feeling energized.  And the temperature has just started to go into the bearable range in the evenings with an almost imperceptible hint of coolness to it. But still, at least some of it is "in my head."

 

How fortunate I am to actually have the luxury of trying to create the rest of my life from here.  But so often if feels completely overwhelming to me! 

                  Chaos!   (Keith Harding)                      

 

I think I could just lighten up about the whole thing. The future is going to take care of itself, no matter how much I worry or don't worry about it.  And the whole point of this practice is to help us stay grounded in the present.  When I can do that I have a real sense that all is well and I don't have to keep telling myself that.

 

Besides, did I mention that the dancing is fun?  It's really fun as well as being a great work out!

 

There is another workshop coming up in December with Silvija Tomcyk and her husband, Thierry Francois.  They are an unstoppable team so it should be beyond compare.

 

In the meantime, I am immensely grateful to Lina Nahas and all the teachers I have met so far in Dubai.  It has made my time here in the UAE so much more pleassurable and has given me the connection and sense of belonging to something greater that I was craving.

 

Thank you!                                             



 

 

 Dubai is lyrical and dreamlike! 

 



Zoe

 

Zoe and Abra (from her blog)

 

This morning I woke up and checked facebook to find some of the saddest news I have had in a really long time, another dear friend from Annapolis, my dear friend Zoe Pantelides passed away in Tucson.  This makes me sad for so many reasons but mostly because I know she wasn't in good health the last several years of her life and I can only imagine how difficult things must have been for her.   She was not more than ten years older than me and we had so many things in common:

• We were both Aquarians through and through and proud of it
• We spent a lifetime being single, not necessarily by choice but because of circumstances and a propensity for choosing addicts as partners
• Early days in Annapolis living on Maryland Avenue
• Both well-loved by Professor Richard Crowley, a wise and wonderful friend with aspirations to more than friendship, especially in Zoe's case! 
• A tendency to see things with an artistic and imaginative eye and a love for beautiful clothing
• We shared an interest in meditation and Eastern religions
• We both had our share of financial troubles over the years

Zoe, however, had unique qualities that differentiated us completely:

• She was always and forever slender and elegant
• She had the most amazing cheekbones due to her Greek heritage
• She knew how to roll cigarettes as effortlessly and elegantly as she did everything else
• She was an accomplished graphic and visual artist:   Zoe's Website   (where you can find some of her artwork)
• She was a native Annapolitan who took the brave and outrageous step of hitting the road and eventually moving to Tucson!

In truth, I was a bit in awe of her from day one.

But she proved herself to be a true and loyal friend to me in so many ways.

In the early days of her sobriety she came to visit me in the St. John's College Bookstore, where I was working at the time, telling me that she was craving a drink.  In response, I said something profound, such as, "Really?"  She always laughed about that!  She may have been expecting a more nuanced reply, but it didn't surprise me one bit that she wanted to drink.  Happy to say, she didn't that day and many more days after that!

Door to the St. John's Bookstore

Today I had a craving for a cigarette like I haven't had in a long time.  It would be really nice to numb out right now, but that is not an option for me and thank God I know it! 

I am sad because the only photo I have of us together is locked away in my storage unit in Northern Virginia... we are both standing on the corner of Duke of Gloucester street and Conduit street, in front of the First Presbyterian Church.  She, looking slim and elegant and smoking a cigarette and me, well let's just say... I'm looking young! Yes, we were young and we supported each other and we stuck together!  Those were really good times!

Annapolis in the Evening

After I moved to Alexandria in 1994, naturally I did not see as much of my Annapolis friends, including Zoe.  I knew she was doing graphic art and even did some work for Trader Joe's for awhile.  The recession hit hard and she was struggling to keep afloat with her art work. When I found out she was hitting the road in search of warmer climes, I was very worried for her but also a little jealous.  At that time I was in a responsible position at my school in Alexandria, but truthfully not enjoying it that much.  I was amazed to hear of her adventures on the road and hoping that she would land successfully.  And eventually she did!  She found support so that she could do her art and she made a place in Tucson.  The sad thing was her health wasn't good enough for her to continue. 

I don't know all the details but I will always admire her courage, her sense of humor, and her determination.  Her style and her grace.  I will miss you dear friend! 

Zoe's photo of the Florida sunset

 

 

Through the Portal!



Cottage at Bradenton Beach
(Near my Mom's house in Florida)

This last trip back to Abu Dhabi from being in the U.S. really felt like a trip through the portal! 

Minecraft portal

(Watched my niece and nephew play while I was in Ohio) 

 

Going from my life there to the one here is starting to feel like a total disconnect...
and it is looking like this may be the last time!  The glamour of living this expat life seems to be wearing a little bit thin these days.  Sometimes it is difficult to describe what life is like and the challenges I experience.  I don't keep in touch the way I would like to with everyone at home. However, there are so many things I love about my life in Abu Dhabi, most of all, the friends I have made! 

Emma driving us through the desert



It will be hard to give up some of the great perks that come with living in the UAE.  One of my teacher friends here sent a link to this blog which sums it up pretty well and answers some FAQ such as "What do you do for fun?" and "Is it safe?" etc.  



Reasons We Love the UAE

But it kind of feels like the thrill is gone a little bit and my current contract is definitely up at the end of December. 

The problem is:  What's next???

That is the question I keep asking myself and don't seem to have a clear answer to as yet. 

I have been told that when one door closes another will always open...so I am curious to see what will happen! 

I would like to live somewhere green and serene...

 



and near a beach!

 

Castles in the Sky

Chateaux Bruniquel - France

I am constantly getting great ideas of things I want to write about and am always reading interesting articles online that I want to comment on too, but for some reason, writing prolifically just isn't happening right now...it seems all I can do is hold my breath until summer vacation. Someday in the future I hope to be able to write more coherently about my experiences here, or maybe I never will, I don't know.  I feel disappointed in myself but at the same time, I have to accept where I'm at. 

Living in the present is a challenge because not knowing where I'm going next is driving me absolutely nuts.  It also seems like I'm accomplishing next to nothing, but I am showing up for the classes I teach and doing my best to help my students. 

Last summer I was lucky enough to visit Chateaux Bruniquel in the southwest of France, a magical place straight out of Medieval times!  Then at Christmas, I was able to visit Budapest and stayed near Buda Castle there, another incredibly beautiful place. I've been dreaming of these castles in the sky a lot lately...

 

Last Summer

 



But when I am honest with myself, as much as I love these places, it seems like this year all I am craving is roots.  Making decisions by myself seems to be wearing me down a bit.  Perhaps it is almost time to come home, but not exactly sure where that is anymore!

Nelly Furtado's I'm Like a Bird

It can be easy to lose the plot over here at times, so a person has to find ways to stay grounded.

(Either that or get on a boat with good friends!)

Off the coast of Oman 

 



I must admit I really didn't have a care in the world last weekend floating around the Musandam Peninsula off the coast of Oman (and we saw dolphins!)

Yeah!

 

“A single day is enough to make us a little larger or, another time, a little smaller.”

Musandam Peninsula 

It's this idea of being alone that is so oppressive. I feel like I should know better and that it is an illusion, yet I still feel it sometimes.  I am told it is a huge problem for people here and so it is not unique to me.  When I'm in my apartment I can get a bit agoraphobic and don't want to go out... that's when it really creeps in. 

So getting out of here for awhile (July 18 - August 23) will do me a world of good but I will have to leave Trixie!  That's another emotional hurdle I need to get over.  We've done it two summers now and she has been fine both times, but it's still so hard to leave her.  

"Where ya going?"

A thought comes to mind:  Paris would probably cheer me up!  I've been able to go two summers in a row now, so maybe I could go for a few days on my way to or fro.

Yes, this life I am living is beyond my wildest dreams and yes, I know I have Gucci problems today, and yes, I am grateful for them.

Solo in Paris

Summer 2012 - Eiffel Tower

Love and light to all until the next time! 

Chris







 

Small Victories

We are getting close to the end of the second term and everyone is a little tired, but there is an excitement in the air as students are finishing their final projects for the class I am teaching in Environmental Health and Safety.  A few weeks ago it seemed I wasn't reaching my class at all and they were completely tuning me out.   I was trying to explain the concepts of sustainability and environmental footprint.  Of course, the UAE and the U.S. are both near the very top of the list of countries with the largest footprint.  I was trying to explain why that is not good!   Also I wanted them to understand how small things we do can have an impact across the world, so I showed this film about Midway.  Probably you have already seen it, but if not, be prepared to be heartbroken:

Midway Film

It felt like a small victory that day as all the students quieted down and became much more thoughtful.  Since then we have been covering the boring class material regarding safety rules and regulations.  The students still laugh at me sometimes, but thankfully we seem to be reaching a middle ground where some learning is actually taking place.    

While all this was happening, I took a trip to Saadiyat Island one Saturday afternoon.  This is probably my all time favorite place here.  As yet it is fairly undeveloped but not for long as there are huge plans... yes, it will be cool to have a Guggenheim and the blueprint for the Louvre looks amazing, but how will it affect the coral reef and the turtles?  NYU Abu Dhabi  has already built their campus on the island and are moving in Fall 2014.  The day I visited the public beach, there just happened to be a young NYU professor giving a lecture on the research he is doing on the coral reefs here... how do they survive in such extreme conditions?  His research could help to save the rest of the world's coral, which is dying at an alarming rate.  He admitted the statistics were depressing, but one can't help but hope that his work is a small step towards saving the coral.  And when the new campus is opened this year, they will display a yarn rendition of the coral reefs:

Since I have been wanting to take up some needlework lately, maybe I can contribute to the project.  It will be a good way to while away the time when it gets too hot to go outside.   In the meantime, I'm so grateful to have such a beautiful beach nearby and for all the interesting people living and working here and trying to make a difference!





  

Dog Stories

Please bear with me as I give a little history for this story:

Anybody who knows me knows that I am crazy about my dog... and just about anyone who meets my dog Trixie agrees that she is a great dog!  It was almost exactly 5 years ago that she was an eight week old puppy and I was able to put her in a carrier under my seat on the flight up from my mom's house in Bradenton, Florida, to my condo in Virginia.  She has been a great companion and was such a joyful gift after I unexpectedly lost my first dog, Bonnie, to an inoperable brain tumor at only eleven and 1/2  years the previous January. 

Fast forward to today where we are living in the UAE after she had an even longer plane ride (including a layover at a doggie hotel in Amsterdam) two years ago at Christmas time.  My sister looked after her for four whole months while I got somewhat settled in Abu Dhabi but finally I was able to bring her over.  Trixie had to fly cargo this time and I was a nervous wreck waiting to pick her up in customs, but once she got off the airplane it is amazing how well she adjusted to life over here!

So tonight was one of those nights when I realized again what a gift she really is to me as I took her out walking before the sun went down.  One of the neighborhood boys was riding his bike and I wish I would have had my camera to take his picture - what a cutie!  Dogs are still quite a novelty over here as traditionally they are considered "haram" or forbidden.  This goes all the way back to Old Testament days when dogs were considered unclean.  Many times the kids are a bit frightened and not sure how to react to her and this boy was no exception.  He was making teasing, barking noises at her which really kind of annoyed me initially.  But then I realized he just wanted to come over and say "hello" and so I let him come over and pet her.  We had a good conversation in which he asked me a few questions.  Many times the question is, "How much does she cost?"  The Emiratis can afford just about anything they want so naturally they consider buying one for themselves.  Patiently I explained that she is not for sale and that she was a gift to me!  By that point a few other children had gathered around so they all took turns petting her.  An elderly gentleman came out with his housemaids and the children and they all smiled and laughed as the kids said hello.

This is rather typical of the kind of reaction we get around town.  In general, she creates happiness and although I know I shouldn't do it, I sometimes let her sit with me while I am driving and that also creates much smiling as she does make a funny sight and also because we drive around in a cute little red Fiat!  So there is much fun involved in bringing her out, especially now that the weather is good here.

That's why I was so surprised one night a few weeks ago when we got a very negative and angry reaction from an older man when walking in another part of the city.  Trixie was close by my side and not causing any trouble at all and I was with my two friends.  We were all polite and minding our own business and I must have said hello.  That's when the man pointed at Trixie's ears (she had just been to the groomer and they do kind of stick out after she has been groomed.)   At any rate, he pointed at her ears, looked at her and grumbled very loudly, "Obama!"  Wow!  At first we weren't sure we had heard him correctly, excuse me?  "Obama!"  That's when it became clear that he wasn't being friendly and that he was slurring not only my dog but the president of my country.  An unusual and somewhat disturbing interaction, but not dangerous in any way... just kind of strange.

Still I couldn't quite let it go and was trying to think why he would be so negative when clearly we were just innocently walking and Trixie is so utterly harmless.  However, it must've been the next day that I was reading the report in the U.S. news about the drone attack in Yemen that killed an innocent caravan of men, women and children on their way to a wedding.  I believe the report said at least six had been killed.  The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that the old man we encountered was probably from Yemen, as he wore the beard and a cap that is traditional for them.  Why of course he called my dog, "Obama!"  How else could he possibly express the disgust and outrage he was feeling with this terrible and despicable attack?  If my theory is correct, I wish that I could have explained to him that I too am horrified and outraged by this cowardly behavior on the part of my government and how deeply saddened and ashamed I am by it.  For better or worse right now, I am an emissary for America in the Middle East just by virtue of the fact that I live here and these are my neighbors.        

The UAE is a peaceful place in a region of the world where peace is priceless.  We live in tolerance with the many differences we encounter and the variety of eccentrics who come to work here.  But if we Americans want to gain friends and influence people, the way to do it is not with drones that misfire on wedding parties.  We have to start thinking of everyone as our neighbors, even though it might seem like Yemen is a long way from home.

Wishing much peace to all of you in this New Year! 

Love,

Chris and Trixie